Is Tomorrow a Better Day?

Sometimes, I wish I was still a kid. Life was so easy back then.

Sometimes, I want to be that little girl again:

Me circa 1986

I'm feeling very nostalgic right now...

Life is good but it could be better.

But I feel that I can't complain because I know that some people may envy me for all the things I have. 

But sometimes it's hard to appreciate all the things I have because I'm worried about my future. I do have a university degree but right now, it doesn't guarantee me a job at all. 

My master degree will not help either, I think. I feel very very very insecure right now.

We moved km away because the boyfriend got a job, after months of being unemployed (almost a year). I didn't want to move but we didn't really have the choice, he could not find a job in Québec city (well, in fact, he could have find one, he turned down an offer) and his unemployment benefits were ending.

He has been working at his new job for 6 months now. And he doesn't like it. At all. Day after day, he tells me that his job is boring. It makes me mad. Really really mad. Because of all the sacrifices I made for him, because he asked me to do so. I'm mad because he quit his job last year to travel around Asia and that he told me to not be worried, that he would easily find a job in Québec city when he would be back (you can see that he didn't. Because he was picky, in fact, this is why.). If he had not quit his job, we would still be living in Québec city, I think. I'm mad because I moved back there for him. I was not happy to have to move, I was less than thrilled because I liked so much living in Qc city. And I can't find a job here, in our small hometown, right now. I don't like running into someone I know here and got questioned, and having to tell the person that I don't have a big girl job yet, despite my university degree. I'm mad because here, people who don't have a higher education make big money. It's so frustrating because I spent thousands of dollars to get an education. I'm mad because in 2 weeks, I will have to leave for Montréal (I will be living at my sister's apartment) to complete a work contract for 5 weeks and I don't like being in a distance relationship (we did that for years already, I had enough!). I need the money, so I have to go. It's a job I love to do (marking college dissertations), but the distance is killing me.

I'm mad because he is well paid and still, our expenses are almost 50/50. I told him what I thought about me paying the same amount of money for rent, food, and he doesn't want to pay more than he already does, he doesn't want to help me out, can you imagine?! He didn't say exactly that he didn't want at all, but it sounded a lot like that. He seemed really reticent about that. I'm not a princess, I don't want him to pay everything, just to help me out for a couple of months, you see. He sees that I struggle a lot these days, with my thesis, adjusting to our new life, etc, but he doesn't seem to want to help me with the money aspect and that help would be a big relief for me. He should be the one proposing that help. This is probably the reason why I'm so mad right now. I'm mad because I can't do all the things we would like to do together, like traveling. He wants to make big plans, but I can't because of my money issues. I have students loans and he doesn't (he was debt free when he graduated, seriously). 

I'm mad because I've always been there for him, I've always been the comprehensive girlfriend. And he knows it, maybe too well.  

I love him. He loves me, I know that. I really do.

But something is wrong. 

I know that money has and will always be a delicate subject in a relationship but I never thought that it would apply to mine. I'm really mad, what else can I say?!?
I know that I should talk to him again about that subject, to make things clear.

I'm a mess right now because I'm hurt, because I have so much on my mind. Like I have been trying to finish my thesis for months now and I don't see the end of it. I just keep telling to myself that having a master degree will change nothing, so why should I continue to write it? The answer is that I'm proud, my master degree cost me thousands of dollars, I don't want that money to be wasted like that, no way! So I will continue to write it, I will finish it. By summer. 

I feel better now that I have written all that stuff.
But I'm still hurt.

Miscellaneous Monday

We are having a big snowstorm right now! Big snowflakes are beautiful! It's supposed to snow something between 25 cm and 35 cm, so it's a big one!  I will probably post some pictures of the storm later!  My sister was supposed to come home by airplane but she is stuck North! And my parents are also coming back today, I just hope the road will be fine, they have a 8.5 hour ride to do!

The boyfriend returned to work this morning, so we can't go for a ride in the woods, that's too bad! We sure will this weekend!

* * *

As some of you may know, my boyfriend moved to our hometown a few weeks ago for his new job and I will be joigning him in March. And we just got good news! Our apartment in Québec city had been rented for March 1st! (so we don't have to pay until June 30th., the end of our lease!) Our official moving day is February 20th because it's the only time B's step-dad could help us move with his truck. My employment contract ends on March 1st, so I will have to stay at a friend's apartment for a couple of days,because our apartment will be empty, it's hard to live somewhere with no refrigerator or oven! I should be back in our hometown by March 3rd, I think!

And we got another great news! Instead of renting an apartment in town, we have the opportunity to rent a town house (for the same price yéé!)! B's friend is moving with his girlfriend in her house and we will be renting his house, at least for a year, so that's great! We will paint at least the living room and the dining area, I can't wait! (The colors are very ugly, the walls have not be painted in probably 15 years!)

Happy Monday to all of you!

How I Met My Boyfriend

August 23th 2002 was a special day. It was my first day of Cégep. (Cégep is a school you attend in Québec for 2 or 3 years between High School and university. There are Cégep in most cities in Québec. See the description of Cégep HERE.)  It was a Friday and when I got up that morning, I had no idea my life would change forever!

It was the end of summer, just before some of my friends were getting back to university, out of town! On this particular Friday night, I was invited by my friend Jo to join her and some friends at a friend's apartment to have some drinks before going out to the local bar!  I was 17 at the time, how illegal! (18 is the legal age here.)

I got there around 9h00 pm, my friend Jo was not even there yet, but  THERE HE WAS... Sitting on a chair, facing the front door of the apartment (he was the first person I saw when I got in the room!), wearing a dark blue shirt with some yellow stripes on the sleeves, he had a big smile on his face... I will always remember these details! He also remembers what I was wearing that night and he has a very bad memory, so it means something! I actually still own the top and the jeans I was wearing that night, I'm so sentimental! I would like to take pictures of these clothes but they are in a box somewhere! (By the way, Jo didn't even know B was going to be there that night, funny thing. In fact, B was not supposed to be there in the first place, he had other plans but it got cancelled at the last minute! I'm so glad!!!)

I was introduced to B and there it was... Love at first sight! We talked all evening long! He was making me laugh a lot and  he even tried to convince me that he was shorter than me! I was believing him until he got up! He was so tall, 6'4, and I'm about 5'5. How naive I was being back then haha! (He always try to convince me of things that are impossible and sometimes I believe him!) The evening was going well and with our friends, we went to the bar where we danced all night long. It was a very fun evening! But the time flew by and it was almost 3h00 am and it was the time for the last dance, a slow dance, of course! I'm not sure what was the song (I think it was Nothing Else Matters of Metallica, but I'm not sure! How sad!) and he doesn't remember either but I remember feeling so great in his arms! We didn't kiss that night but I knew something was in the air! He was holding my hand and I just knew that it was love!

The following day, a Saturday, I was working a night shift at the store. I was done with my shift by 9h00 pm and when I got out, there he was, in his old car (a  1990 Ford Taurus station wagon!!!) I was with a coworker, a friend, and we were going out for a goodbye party for a coworker! B was there and he asked me out to the drive-in movies! But I could not go because of that party I was going to attend. He looked a little bit disappointed! (So did I and the goodbye party turned out to be very very boring!)

In the following days, I tought a lot about him! And I was too shy to call him! I didn't even had his phone number, he was not in the phonebook (I learnt later it was because his father had died years ago and his number was listed under his mom's name! And there was no Facebook at that time!) And I was too shy to ask  my friend Jo his phone number! (Looking back, I don't know why I was being so shy!  I'm kidding, I know why! It was because of the first boyfriend thing! I was 17!)

Finally, he called me on Friday (August 30th), almost a week later! We talked a little bit over the phone and he asked me if I would like to come to his house to help him to do his robot costum for his initiation's day in university! I said yes, of course! He came to my house to pick me and when we got to his house, he told me that his parents and his uncle and aunt were there too! Wow! I was going to already meet his extended family?!? This time, I had a reason to be so shy and so intimitated!!!!! Everything went well but of course he didn't introduce me as his girlfriend because things were not at that point!

We had his costum done and then, we left to go to a friend's house. We had a good time with those 3 friends and we left around 12h00 am! We decided to walk! We had to walk like 45 minutes and it was freezing outside (about 5 degrees Celcius, in late August! It was so cold! And I was wearing sandals, can you imagine, my toes were almost blue when I got home! ) We finally got to the place where we had to go different ways. It was at this moment that we kissed for the first time! And what a kiss! I will always remember it! And I will always remember where! It was just in front of my former babysitter's house (when I was a little kid, of course!)! And now, each time I see that house, I think of that night! And I often see that house because it's near of my parents' home! (I have to get a picture of that house someday!) (So, August 30th 2002 is our official date! And the funny thing is that B's parents got married on this particular date, August 30th!)

On the next day, Saturday, we had an other great afternoon and evening together! We finally went to the drive-in movies. We only watched the first movie (Mr Deeds with Adam Sandler) and during the second movie, we talked non-stop without paying any attention to the movie! (It was Men in Black II.) After that, we went for a car ride to see the stars in the sky in a beautiful dark place juste outside the city limits! We had the feeling that something really special was going on between us! I was feeling so close to him like I had known him for a long time! I came home pretty late that night! We had a great time and I will always remember this day!

On Sunday,  he had to left town for university. I was sad saying goodbye! At this moment, we only knew each other for about a week! 8 days in fact! But it was only the beginning for us! 

For the two first years (2002-2004), we were in a very long distance relationship (he was 850 km away). We only saw each other on special holidays and a few weeks in the summer. We exchanged phone calls and emails regularly. That was hard but we made it through it because we really believed that we were a special couple. In August 2004, it was my turn to left our hometown for university (our universities were not in the same town), but we were just about 175 km away from each other, we could see each other on some weekends also! I was so happy to have more time with him! We did that for about 4 years.

In the fall of 2008, after his graduation,  he got a job in Québec city and he moved here (where I still live) and he lived in a apartment with a friend. We didn't want to live together right away because we were so used to be in a long distance relationship! We needed some time to adjust and to do things right! In the spring of 2010, we finally rented an apartment together and things were great! But he recently found a job in our hometown, so he moved away (850 km away, remember!) this past weekend. I will be moving with him in March and our life together will go on!

THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW I MET B!
I WAS 17, HE WAS 20.
THIS IS OUR LOVE STORY!

IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

Saying Goodbye

On Sunday, my boyfriend is moving about 850 km away for his new job. I'm sad that he is leaving but happy that he finally got a job, with the salary he asked for! We won't see each other for about 5 weeks. We will be together for Christmas and New Year, celebrating together! I'm already looking forward to that!!!

After that, I will come back here and it  looks that it won't be before March that we will be together again. I don't like being in a long distance relationship, but I know that we are strong and that we can make that work. We have done it before, for a much longer time! (for the first 5 years of our relationship in fact!) It's just that since we have been living together, we have been used to be with each other almost 24/24... We are really close and we love each other so much, that will be hard, I know it, but what I also know is that it's not the end for us. It's a new beginning! Love is all that we need to make it work (and great communication!).

On Sunday, I will be saying goodbye to him but we will not be saying goodbye forever.

I'll miss him but I'm looking forward to start our new life together in a near future!

 

Aurevoir!